Guest Post: Five Things I’ll Never Say (Again) In An Airport
Today’s guest post comes from down under from Matt in Australia who gives us some tips about how to behave in an airport. Hopefully, this is not from personal experience Matt!
Since September 11, 2001, mentioning certain words while at the airport has become a big no-no. Face it: You’ve had the experience of standing in line with your shoes in one hand, emptying your pockets into those little plastic trays with the other, and wondering what it would be like to whisper one of the Five Forbidden Words within hearing of a guard.
Not a good idea, my friend. Here’s the rundown of the top five words never to let slip past your lips at the airport.
Waiting times provided courtesy of Brussels Airport
5. “Fire” – Unless there is an real fire burning, do NOT say this word. Even if there is an actual fire burning, you’d be wise to quietly let someone in authority know, and not to scream “Fire!” Otherwise, saying things like “you’re on fire,” “I’m going to set a fire,” “I want to light a fire under you,” and even “I am going to get you fired,” is likely to get you detained.
4. “Gun” – As in, “can I take my gun onboard?” Or, “I have a gun.” Don’t make your fingers into the shape of a gun and pretend to shoot anyone. Don’t let your kid sneak a water pistol into his carry-on. In short, uttering “gun” is going to attract the sort of attention you don’t want.
3. “Bomb” – This one is obvious. Don’t wonder about whether someone has a bomb, don’t say YOU have a bomb, don’t wish that someone would bomb the airport and get you out of the hell that is customs after an international flight. Don’t tell the security guard that he’s “da bomb.” When relaying your excitement over your wife’s news pregnancy to the guy behind you in line, don’t refer to her news as “when she dropped the bomb.” Trust me on this.
4. “No” – This one is tricky. You can and should answer “no” when asked if someone other than you packed your luggage, or if questioned about whether you are carrying anything hazardous, flammable or liquid. Do not, however, say no when asked to remove your shoes/sweater/hat. Don’t refuse to let your purse, umbrella or man bag be searched. If told to “step to the side,” just do it. Cooperation will get you everywhere. Remember that the person making the request has the authority to make sure that you miss your flight, forcing you to sit around in the airport for an additional eight hours waiting for the next plane out to Timbuktu. Just do it.
5. “Osama bin Laden” – This one is common sense. It’s unnecessary and in poor taste to point out that someone in the airport looks like bin Laden, or that you sure hope he’s not on your flight. Don’t tell an Osama bin Laden joke. You can avoid this topic for the hour or two that you’re stuck in the airport. Talk about the weather instead, or better yet, leave your flightmates alone as they stand there in their stockinged feet. There will be plenty of time to chat once on the plane, when you all have your shoes on.
Matt is a writer at CreditCardCompare.com.au, a free comparison service where Australians can compare airline credit card from Qantas as well as many other Australian and international carriers.
Ever said the wrong thing out loud? Leave us a comment and tell us about it!
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Thankfully, no. I’m pretty careful in airports, and definitely watch what (and how) I say something. Most airline personnel really do want to move you through as quickly as possible, and are used to the grumbling and griping. When you smile and treat them with respect, they perk up like a just-watered plant.
Good tips and well written, however even though I do not have an such experiences, I still smirk when in a train or an airport lounge and someone’s mobile starts ringing. One will always see several travellers gojng for their mobile sets and squinting to see if it has rung or not.
Henry – Under the title of “Saying the wrong thing out loud, I think ‘That’s mine!’ may be included in those situations”
Linda – I have encountered some airline personnel that are friendly and just doing their job but I have to confess that I’ve encountered more unfriendly ones …
I know someone who did not use one of the forbidden words but he did make the mistake of making a sarcastic joke when someone from airport security asked him what was in a packet of biscuits he had. He said, “I’ll give you a clue. It’s not cocaine.” He spent several hours being asked questions then.
Invader_Stu – that’s always an odd position to be in, I think. I’ve often been in situations where I have to bite my tongue when questioned, especially when they ask “Would you mind if we took a look inside your bag?”
[...] In tenth place is a guest post by Matt from Australia detailing the Five Things He’ll Never (Again) Say In An Airport. [...]